IWSG: EVER FELT LIKE A FRAUD?

Have you ever felt like a fraud? It’s a feeling I've been wrestling with the past few months.

I've written and told stories all my life. I've always had a project in progress. My creative mind usually leaps forward with more ideas than I have time to put on paper. This past couple of years I've not been as…active. So many other things, emotional and physical, have had to take precedence and by the time I deal those things writing just isn't the smooth flowing joy it has been. It’s become a chore and god knows I have wagon of chores and I cringe at another. I've never looked at my creative writing like that. A chore. *Shakes my head in dismay  

It's not to say I haven't written anything because I write a lot of things but majority is non-fiction and work oriented. Not the same thing. As far as creative writing most of it has been poetry which is a great way to put emotions into order, or so I've always felt.

I've had writing friends who've ridden me about stories I've written and why aren't I doing something with them. Bless their hearts, they mean well. They’re trying to motivate me, encourage me. I've done the same for them. Yes, I like the fact they've enjoyed reading my work and they feel it’s worth pursuing but…how do you tell them you just don’t feel like writing?  How do you say I look at this series and go meh? I can encourage others. I critique stories and proposals. I can crack the whip over them but I can’t seem to get ME going again. To find that inner fire. I feel like a fraud.

I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Haven’t found all the answers. I have had some creative ideas and those ideas were strong enough to shake me out of my…apathy? At least they excited me enough that I wrote a brief summary down and one is dancing around in my head where they usually play for awhile before making it to the writing stage. I consider that progress. I know part of the problem is finding that groove in time that belongs only to my muse and me. The other part is I’m chained to my computer so many hours in the course of the day the last thing I want to do is sit longer—I just want to escape. My schedule is so caddywumpus right now that I haven’t found that fun time for creating. I know I need to find it because I feel amputated without it.

My conclusion, after thinking about all this for some time, is I have to find a spot in my schedule that again belongs only to writing. Give myself permission to let go of everything for that time and just settle in and do. If I need to be away from my computer, and I do, then there is always a notebook and a pen. I can write anywhere, right? 

I’m working on it. J

Take a chance...

  

Guest post by Kat Sheridan for the Insecure Writers Support Group (IWSG).

I published my Victorian romance novel, Echoes in Stone, on a dare.

I finished it five years ago, but never published it. Maybe I thought it wasn’t good enough. Maybe I was afraid of failure. Or success. I picked at it, passed it through beta readers and a really good editor, and made it as strong, as compelling as I knew how.

But still, I couldn’t bring myself to make that leap. To share “my baby” with the world. What if I made a total fool of myself? I was terrified of promotion. Of bad reviews. Of being found out as a fraud. Not a writer.

I belong to a group of historical romance writers who meets every three weeks for coffee, pastries, and goal setting. Every meeting I dutifully set new goals for my work-in-progress, and wrote new pages, but was never really finishing anything. Then one member of the group decided that instead of allowing me to set my own goals, she would set one for me.

Publish something. Anything. She challenged me. She dared me.

So I closed my eyes, screwed up my courage, called in favors from every friend I knew…

…and jumped.

One friend gave me a final edit. Another pointed me to a great cover artist. Another offered to upload the book for free as a thank you for past help I’d given her. Sia had me as a guest on her blog and lined up others for me. Friends tweeted and shared and banged the drum for me.

Sales aren’t spectacular. It’s a debut novel by an unknown author. But I’ve made sales. That very first, tiny little royalty check? It was like winning the Golden Ticket to the Wonka factory.

Many years ago, Hubs talked me into going on one of those 3D virtual rides in Las Vegas. I was utterly terrified and queasy even before getting on the ride. My fears were echoed by a little boy in the same waiting line, who kept chanting “Scary, scary, scary…” When the lights came up after the ride, he jumped out of his seat and yelled “Do it again!” And I turned to Hubs and yelled the same thing.

And that’s how I feel about the book I’m working on now. That giddy feeling that comes only from putting your work out into the world, no matter how much you want to throw up? Do it again!

So tell me, if you’re not published yet, what’s holding you back? And if you are published, what made you take a chance?

Coming up Friday: Judi Fennell and her fun new series Manly Maids. You don’t want to miss this one!

Kat Sheridan is a former project manager whose very serious exterior hides a secret romantic. She is fond of books, bourbon, big words, coffee, and shiny things. Kat splits her time between the Midwest in the summer and the South in the winter, sharing her home with the love of her life and an exceedingly dignified Shih Tzu. She loves to hear from readers, and can be contacted at www.KatSheridan.com.

DANCING WITH MAYPOLES AND WRITING

The Insecure Writer's Support Group—we have over 300 members. You can find the list of participants Here and their blogs.

Have you ever watched dancers around a Maypole? Some of the dances are simple, some complex, some of the dancers are laughing and lighthearted, and others are dark, serious, and stately. Regardless of the style of dance or dancers a pattern emerges as with the ribbons as the dance goes on. Some of the steps taken give no clue as to the final pattern—they seem almost hit and miss—but they’re a work of beauty by the end.

See, dancing the Maypole is not just about the joy of the dance. Part of the motivation in dancing is in the creating of a complex pattern with the ribbons to wrap the pole. The final pattern woven stems from the movement and direction of each dancer. It looks effortless (and it’s supposed to) but the maypole is wrapped and unwrapped many, many times in practice to get the final combination of steps and corresponding end pattern.

The finished pattern on the maypole depends upon several things. The height of the maypole and those of the inner or minor dancers who dance their own patterns while interacting with the outer dancers, the pace and flow of the dancers, the texture of the ribbon material and the spacing of the colors. You may only catch glimpses of the inner circle’s dancers yet they’re all part of the dance. Sometimes the dancers have to reverse themselves a bit and then weave forward again. While dancing they may take the proper steps and yet they won’t know how successful they've been, with setting the pattern, until they’re finished and step back and look at their completed work. It soon becomes apparent when the pacing of the dance was off or someone forgot a step because it shows up in the finished pattern.

It’s similar to writing a story. We start out with all sorts of bright ideas. We have lots of ribbons available to weave our story. Now comes the dancing and weaving. We know the basic storyline—that’s our bare pole. We determine the height and breath of our story. Then are the minor characters and the major characters. Their personalities add texture and color to the story. The pacing, tension, and flow adds a different sort of feel to the overall story pattern—it could make the story light and bubbly or austere, dark and dangerous, or it could be the weaving of both. Sometimes we have to

reverse a bit and rearrange the steps and colors and then move forward again intermingling the ribbons for the finished pattern.

I have several ‘wrapped’ maypoles. I’m looking at the final patterns. Some are too bland in the color/texture choices. Nothing stands out and while the pattern is pretty it lacks that wow factor. I’m going to have to unwrap the pole and add some different ribbon textures and color to the weave of the story. Sometimes I get frustrated because while it started out fine and the dancing was fun when I step back and looked at the overall pattern it’s too jumbled. 

Smacks forehead...What was I thinking ?

And that’s about the time I’m ready to throw it the fire—or donate the damn pole to the highland games for some brawny Scot to use in the caber toss.   

IWSG—SURVIVING CRITIQUES

CRITIQUING: There’s a big difference in being honest and being brutal—constructive and destructive

When I got serious about my writing, and wrote my first novel, I made a cazillion mistakes. I was such a newbie. 

List of Participants

What saved me was entering a contest and in the course of that contest, I came into contact with real creative writers. That was my real prize—feedback and serious critiques, that and learning terms. What the hell did they mean when writers and judges would say ‘good bones’ and  ‘need to work on POV’? Keep in mind, I hadn't taken any writing courses in at least ten years and fiction-writing styles had changed considerably in that time. I didn't win the contest (which was a romance writing contest where you also received critiques from other writers and contestants) although I finished in the top 20% out of about 1200 entries. Not bad, considering the mistakes I made.

I like to receive honest critiques.  If something isn't working, I’d like to know that. I take my work seriously. I don’t hand my work to just anyone.  I tend to pick those who know what they’re doing, whose opinion I value, and who write the same genre or similar genre.   I like suggestions, questions, and I also love it when someone reads something that they really like or makes them laugh and they mention it. 

The contest taught me the need for a tough skin, which was reinforced by the first serious critique of my manuscript.  The poor thing about bled to death with all the red lining. CPR was difficult but it survived and so did I.  

But you know what?

She was right. 

She wasn't harsh, but she was to the point and honest. She’s a published author and one for whom I have a great deal of respect.

I've always said if you want someone to tell you your writing is wonderful, hand it to your family or your mother. I call that blowing sunshine and butterflies. 

You want honesty then give it to a fellow writer you respect. And then listen to what they say. Give yourself think about it a bit—once you get over the shock. 

And the sting to your ego.

When I critique, I’m never brutal or critique to hurt. I don’t believe in destructive critiques at all. There’s no point to them.  There’s a big difference in being honest and being brutal. Constructive critiques improve your writing or style. That’s what we want, suggestions or pointers on how to make the story stronger, make the characters more realistic, or how to plug those holes in our manuscript big enough to drive a Mack truck through.

I may have been writing all my life and won contests but that doesn't make me a great writer. Critiques will do that and the willingness to listen and learn.  A readiness to sharpen your craft and be willing to put your manuscript on a strict diet to trim away the excess fat so you can see those great bones in your writing.

• What has been your writing experience?

                                           How do you feel about critiques?

MONDAY MUSINGS: TIME WON'T STOP PULLING ON ME.

Photo attribution-wikimedia

“I'm livin' in a world that won't stop pullin' on me

I'm not complaining but it's true

It's like I owe my time to everyone else

'Cause that's all I seem to do…” 

Keith Urban, WHAT ABOUT ME?

There are times that no matter what you do there just aren’t enough minutes in the day to get everything done. There are things you must do, a list of things that should be done (but aren’t set in stone), and then there is that list of things you want to do. Guess which list gets balled up, more times than not, and tossed across the room?

I think juggling life is one hardest things a writer has to do.

I know it is for me.

Carving out time to write isn’t always easy. There is always something tugging on me and demanding my time. Then there are the characters in my head doing the same. I’ve tried to set aside small sections of time to write and overall I’ve managed to add small chunks of words to my manuscript. The hard thing is having a workable amount of energy remaining when I’m finished with my MUST DO list. I don’t have the luxury of burning the candle at both ends if I want to remain healthy and that’s a juggling act in itself.

The past few weeks my early mornings, the time I do my best writing, has be stolen by college stuff for the kid—people to meet with or contact and a cazillion forms. I hate forms! Then there is the reviving of my online presence after being ill, books to read and reviews to write, correspondence to handle and promotion.

If I have outside appointments, as I have recently, by the time I get home from those appointments, I’m usually wiped out—remember, I live in the middle of nowhere. Other than the local grocery or feed store everything else is at least thirty-five to fifty miles away. So you’re looking at travel time, which is a minimum of an hour, but most of the time, it’s more like two hours. The cost of gas being what it is I tend to maximize my errands. That usually takes up the whole morning and when I get home my brain is already mush and all I want is peace and quiet, no people, something to eat, and somewhere to slither for a short nap. Then it’s onto the list of things that have to be done here on the ranch and then dinner and socializing with the family. I’m fortunate in that I can write nonfiction in the evening but even there, if I’m up too late, which seems to be the pattern recently, it cuts into that early morning creative writing time. A bit of a vicious circle at times.

I’ve been thinking about that. My conclusion is I need to get better organized and a better schedule. I have a window of time that I do my best creative writing. I’ve determined that I need to apply some tough discipline and set that as the focus first. Let the dog out, grab my coffee, open my word document, and spend that hour or two in the morning and write. The housework will still be there when I’m done, ditto with correspondence, Internet, reading blogs, and appointments. I need to be firm with those things.

The later part of last week I implemented part of that. This week will be the kicker. Nose to the grindstone and do it. At least I feel better knowing what I have to do. I’ll let you know how it goes.

• So, how is your writing going?

• How do you juggle life to accommodate your writing, job, and family?

What About Me-on Youtube

Keith Urban 

http://youtu.be/PbXy_CNPcGE 

MONDAY MUSINGS: Insecurities Of Rebuilding

~Start where you are because yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't happened.~

Writing is something I've always done both in the work force and for pleasure.
Each is in its own compartment. Both come from a different mindset. Writing is something I do and for me it’s always been relatively easy—depending upon the purpose. I can create a conversational tone in my writing or generate a very specific piece in formal or business English.

IWSG Articles and Participants

I approach writing for business and pleasure in different ways.

I’m very focused and disciplined when working. Most of my professional writing came with deadlines. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with deadlines. I very rarely missed a one. Working to deadlines doesn’t give you time to be stuck. You have to find a way through whatever block there is.

Writing for pleasure has been a different kettle of fish. I’m a bit more freeform—whatever catches my fancy would go on paper. A wisp of a dream I’d developed into a story, something I observed and it created a story in my mind, and what I call my, what would happen if…? When I’d get stuck I’d step away and mull it all over. Sometimes I’d come back to it and write what’s perked in my mind. Other times I’d get bored or lose interest and put it away. Not as disciplined as my professional writing.

Publishing deadlines require focus and discipline. I’ve been a contributor in several essay projects. I've written non-fiction industry oriented manuals. Teaching manuals or creative brochures. Most of these were procedural or writing to capture the attention with a set purpose in mind. Fiction publications were anthologies. Again, I had a deadline. I’ve always found that writing comes with roadblocks and corners to get stuck in. When it’s to deadline my mind finds a way around it.

A few years ago I decided to take my creative writing more seriously and work toward publication. I’ve written several novels. I also have quite a few unfinished manuscripts. Some of the unfinished are experiments in different genres and some are those I lost interest in finishing. I didn’t have a deadline on them so I could play a bit; try different things.

I queried some of the finished work and got some positives back. I had a good writing routine down. I was focused. I had some editing that needed to be done—I hate taking my creative work apart and putting back together.

I had my blog which falls into professional writing, I was attending writing conferences and enjoying the whole learning process. Hey, I even tried an elevator pitch on a story not yet written but I had a preliminary sketch on and the editor said she’d like to see it first before I queried it. That floored me. I was on the top of the world in the beginning of 2010.

Then life went to hell. I mean like a fiery comet zooming for impact. Everything changed in the wake of the crash. Things do come in threes—the tragedy of losing my brother at thirty-nine, my son and his difficulties, then my health self-destructing. Crash and burn, baby. Big time. And there was almost no Phoenix to be reborn.

Some writers are able to write through chaos. I’m not one of them. 
In the beginning of my illness, I would try to write. I’d get so frustrated when the words wouldn’t come. It got to the point that as soon I met with any frustration I’d quit. That became a disturbing pattern.

When writing is something you do without thought, when it comes easy; not being able to write is tough. I’m used to words flowing not hiding like shadows in my mind—you see them, they look real, until you try to touch them and they disappear. Having to stretch or reach for words for even a simple paragraph? You feel like you’ve been amputated.

Things are better. I’m better. But I’ve lost time. I’ve lost focus. The only thing that remains of that positive time is my blog and finished and unfinished manuscripts. Contacts.

I’m working at rebuilding the focus and the writing routine. It’s not easy. The burn of determination hasn’t quite returned but I do see the new growth in development.

I set goals. Baby steps where I was once running. Days of two or three thousand words are replaced with a measly five hundred and some days I celebrate when I accomplish two hundred. I remind myself of those in sports that have suffered a serious accident and what they have to go through to regain lost ground. They have to know how hard to push themselves and that’s a fine line.

Insecurities? You bet I have them. Can I break the pattern of quitting when I get frustrated? Will I be able to regain my joy, focus, and self-discipline? Do I want to? There are days I would tell you no. I don’t want to. Those are the weak days.

One thing I have found is feeling sorry for myself, looking behind rather than forward doesn't get me anywhere good. There is always a choice. I can sit in a huddle and whine or I can work through it and celebrate the success I have. Positive or negative. 

I've always chosen positive.

• How do you handle life's setbacks?