I know many of you have wondered where I’ve been and why I haven’t been posting. I had every intention of posting after Labor Day and doing my normal blog with guests and all. Unfortunately, my life took a left turn into the twilight zone. I cancelled my guests for September and October.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer,
invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), on September 2nd. Welcome to the
sisterhood I never wanted to be a part of. My life ceased to resemble anything normal
after that.
Cancer.
It’s such a scary word when you hear
someone has it and even more so when you find out you have it. Even with the
cure rates, which are good if you catch it early enough, there is still an
adjustment time of dealing with the word and its meaning. I can tell you that I
had to face that basement of fear before I could do anything. Or tell anyone
other than my husband.
I found a lump the third Wednesday in
August. Being one who is very aware of her body I knew something was wrong
inside but not exactly what. I had been pondering over what it could be. In
fact I dreamed I had cancer several days before I found the lump. I think my subconscious
mind was scanning and analyzing what was going on inside. It’s done it before
and has been rather accurate when it does.
My husband confirmed that no, it
wasn’t my imagination, there was a lump. He was half asleep at the time and I
assure you after he checked, at my request, he no longer was drowsy. “Oh my God, there’s a lump here. You need to
get this checked out.”
“I will. I’m going in Tuesday for a
mammogram.” I kept it cool and easy when inside I was anything but calm. My
heart was pounding. I didn’t even try to downplay it by saying it’s probably
nothing because I suddenly knew, for a certainty, it was something.
I had my mammogram August 25th
and sure enough, there it was as clear as daylight. I always look at the scans
when I have them done and I watch the techs. The tech’s wide eyed look was the
only reaction she showed. If I hadn’t been watching her closely I wouldn’t have
even noticed. She looked up at me and said, ‘you knew there was a growth,
didn’t you?”
Sure did and I had gotten
to know it quite well in 6 days.
I told my sisters, first, because
they are incredible women and I knew I needed them on my team. By this time I
had already walked right through fear and assemble my battle gear and got my
mind into battle mode. I knew I was gearing for the battle of my life. I needed,
as any who fight cancer, a strong support team so I could kick ass. I had and
have no intention of taking any prisoners or being taken.
I saw my doctor two days after the mammogram
and had a biopsy on the first of September and the confirmation by the second.
It was at least 1.8 centimeters by 2 centimeters. The doctor wasn’t sure
whether it was still stage 1 or in the beginning of stage two. It ended up
being stage 2, grade 2 and HER2 positive which is a protein based and not
hormone based and it wasn’t there two years ago.
Although my local breast center was
good I opted to go to Cancer Treatment Centers of America and the Midwestern facility
in Zion, just outside of Chicago, for treatment. One of the considering factors
was that particular center has been awarded Breast Cancer center of excellence.
Not many breast centers achieve that distinction and there are only about 50 in
the United States.
It’s been 18 days today since the
tumor was removed. I still tire easily and don't have as much stamina but I'm healing and in pretty good spirits, over all. Just taking it slow and steady.
Pathology reports are good. It hadn’t yet spread to the
lymph nodes and is nowhere else in my body, yay. I go in for my first infusion
of chemo November 6th. At this point I will be receiving 4 cycles of
chemo and perjeta and then a year of herceptin. I have no idea how I will react
to all that and it differs from person to person. I’m a bit of a weeny
contemplating it. I can honestly say, I wish I didn’t have to do this part and
of course I can say no, but I don’t want to have to face this again so yes, I
will throw back my shoulders and lift my chin and do it.
I do reserve the right to be to
whine, be wimpy, and weak now and then.
The cure rate for this cancer is
excellent and I’ve met and spoken with many who have been cancer free for 5 years,
several who are celebrating 10 years and two fabulous ladies that marked year
13 and 15. Very encouraging.
Life doesn’t come with guarantees. We
all die at some point or another but as Gandalf says, in the Lord of the Rings,
“…All we have to decide is what to do with the time that
is given us.”
I don’t choose to waste that time or
live in fear.
“A
day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day.”
– Aragorn
– Aragorn
I’m not sure what my posting schedule will be
the rest of this year. I'd like to try Monday Musings, at least, depending on how I feel. We’ll see.
