MONDAY MUSINGS—WHEN JACK FROST GOES GUERRILLA

This morning my house came under attack from Jack Frost’s guerrilla soldiers with a little help from the Old Man Winter with his north wind. No fanciful painting of frost. These were sprites on steroids. They had out the big gun and pelted ice balls at the house and windows. It was loud enough to wake me up at 4 a.m. wondering what was going on. Even the dog started barking. 

No sunshine and coffee outside this morning. We've got freezing drizzle pellets falling with enough ice accumulation, about an inch and a half, that they closed the schools. Saturday and Sunday it was in the upper 60's and sunny. I had all my windows open to the warm breeze and spent as much time outside soaking up the sunshine as I could. By late Sunday afternoon the wind was rising and the temps dropped over thirty degrees in three hours. Tuesday and Wednesday we'll be back up in the mid 40's and sunshine. This has been a crazy week of weather. But that's Missouri.

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was nice but smaller than usual. Most of our family Thanksgiving meals have a minimum of thirty-five and some years we've had all my siblings and their families, which is considerably more. Those years we do buffet tables set up in Pop’s finished two-car garage (actually he can get a truck and two cars in there). The garage is right off the kitchen so bringing out the food isn't difficult. We decorate and set the tables up along three sides of the garage and seating in the middle. Most Thanksgivings are mild here so we open one of the garage doors to the sunshine and concrete drive with various lawn chairs set up nearby. Lots of room for the kids to play and the adults to sit and gossip.

This year, it was only one of my brothers and his wife, my niece, Deanna, her husband, and their two little ones with my family. We ate inside since there were only 11 of us. Steve baked the prettiest 24 lb turkey I've seen outside of a magazine. He did up the sides to go with it and I did a pork roast and a complete meal with sides. I enjoyed the cooking of it early morning with music playing and my husband and I talking as we working on everything. He was teasing me about how I had everything cut and lined up for each dish prettier than Rachel Ray. I don’t know about that but you do have to keep all the ingredients separated. J

On the home front, we got a lot done during the warm spell. A dark cloud of ‘oh, no’ came to us on Friday afternoon when realized our twenty year old chest freezer wasn't freezing. Acck! So it was a mad dash to transfer what we could to the bottom freezer on the fridge and a quick run to the store to buy ice bags to pack in the freezer. Found another chest freezer, just a little smaller, on clearance, Yay! They couldn't deliver until Monday, boo. Then with this ice and nasty roads that’s been delayed until tomorrow afternoon.

But hey, all things considered, life is still pretty damn good. J   

So, how are things in your neck of the woods? Any news to share? Good movies seen or books read? C’mon, share the gossip. Laughter of it all will make the day less gray.

Meanwhile, me and my cup of coffee will be sitting here, feet propped up in front of a warm fire and supervising the kid and his fiance put up the tree and lights. It's good being boss, lol!

MONDAY MUSINGS: WHEN THE CASTLE SHUTS DOWN

This has been an odd year for me. I've had a tragedies and triumphs, but then so have many. I've noticed a bit of apathy in my court. Don’t know if it’s a result of losing my oldest brother or wrecking my shoulder or numerous battles I've had to wage over the past few years, but I seem to have lost my give a damn somewhere. I've kind of shut down the castle, pulled up the drawbridge, closed the main gate and pulled down the portcullis. I have retreated to the Keep. And though you may not see them there are armed guards in place to protect my privacy and person.

I’m somewhat reclusive to begin with but even more so now. That’s not to say that the Great Hall hasn't had feasting now and then because it has. My creativity seems to be focused on refurbishing the inner castle. You know, defenses, new tapestries and wall sconces, improving the kitchens, redoing of the sleeping chambers. Inside the curtain walls of the castle the gardens thrive the orchards, well, not so much but there are replacement trees, which will bear fruit in a couple of years. Some of the livestock have been reduced and areas planned for other types for the larder. 

The bringing in of coin to the castle, at least on my part, is done from inside the castle on a daily basis. This is both good and bad because there is no need to leave the Keep or inner Castle walls to accomplish that. Good because when the winter winds blow and the snow piles up coin will still come in. There has been a lot of extra training to concentrate on to accomplish that and it takes up a lot of

time but it’s all good. 

In my office I have numerous scrolls of legends and tall tales but I've had no desire to open them or contribute anything to them at the present, which is odd. At least for me. I will admit to some stirrings of interest in that direction but not quite ready to actively take them up. That may change as those cold winds blow and the snow falls and the characters left behind become more insistent. Or the new ones demand life. For now I’m comfortable pursuing the writings of others.

Seasons come and go. Life moves forward. No doubt things will change and I won’t feel the need to hunker down behind the walls. I do know it’s not good to keep the castle closed up indefinitely either for the Laird or the castle folk. And it’s not that I’m unhappy or overly blue or sad. I’m content, at least for now. I am aware of a subscript, out of sight, running inside my brain. We'll see what conclusions it produces.  

In the spring perhaps I'll let down the drawbridge and lift the portcullis.

Who knows?

MONDAY MUSINGS—SNOW DAYS AND WRITING

I've got a bunch of tests and stuff to do Monday and a full day of work Saturday and Sunday. Rather than wrap my (already stressed out) brain around something new I decided to re-run an article I wrote back in 2009. That was a year of lots of snow, too. My son is now 3 weeks shy of 19 and my Gidget is 5 but the subject is as appropriate this year as it was in 2009. Hope you enjoy it. I'll be around Wednesday with IWSG.

When I was a kid, snow days were the thing to look forward to.  A time for laugher and fun.  No school, snowball fights, snow forts, and using the shovels—after we had shoveled the driveway—and making snow paths in the yard.  We used these as trenches in our warfare games.  The not so fun part of snow days was my mom and her list of chores.  I now know this was self-defense on her part.  It was a way keep six rambunctious kids occupied.  Needless to say, we didn’t often whine, “I’m bored and I’ve got nothing to do.”  Lord, big mistake and The List came out.

Snow days at my house are a bit different.  First, I don’t have six kids, thank God, to keep occupied.  Back then we stayed outside or found adventures of “lets pretend that…” in our bedroom or the third story attic.  I have one child. A game of Uno only goes so far.  Snowboarding outside takes up a few hours, if I’m lucky.  Snowball fights still happen but it’s the kid and me. He has TV, movies, 360 Xbox, paper and art supplies, and shelf full of books.  I have a computer and projects to get done.  Articles to write, books to finish, books to edit.  Did I mention editing? 

This is a normal workweek for me. I’m trying to keep to my schedule. Four days of no school and a husband who can’t get to work either. It’s vacation time for them.  I’m in a groove and I have, not one but two, housebound males wandering around bored.  I am not bored.  I have plenty to do.  I get up from the computer for a short fifteen-minute break and stretch out my tight muscles, go to the bathroom and get a cup a coffee. My mind is on what I’m writing, working out the kinks mentally, and walk back into my office and there’s my husband checking out Fox Sports.  We do have a working TV.

“Oh, I thought you were done?” 

I’m dumbfounded.  You can tell, dropped jaw, wide eyes, standing frozen in the doorway. 

He can tell.  “You’re not done?”

“Sweetheart, what part of five open tabs on the computer monitor makes you think I’m done?”  I always try for the sweet, reasonable approach first. 

So I decide to take out the dog, clear my head in the cold outside air and rid myself of frustration.  It’s beautiful outside.  The type of day that brings back echoes of laughing kids, snowball fights and snow forts.  I feel a pull on the leash and bring my mind back to today just in time to see my poor Great Dane trying to do her business and ever so slowly slide down the incline.  This is her first winter and she’s still learning her way on this white stuff. The look on her face is priceless and I can’t help but laugh. It feels good.  I’m feeling better, which is a good thing.

I walk back into the house; breathe a sigh of relief when I see my husband watching TV.  I walk into my office.  And there is my fourteen-year-old son.  At my computer.

            “Oh, I thought you were done?”

Oh, yeah, it’s gonna be a long week.  Sigh.

 

WARNING! ALLEGED COMEDIAN IN RESIDENCE

My husband cracks me up.

For one thing, he loves westerns. He and the Western channel are good buds. I believe he’s watched about every western series made—all 145 or so. 

Repeatedly.

Me? I’m not a big fan of westerns—well aside from Bonanza, Big Valley, and The Virginian (when I was very young, about 9 or 10-ish I had a wicked crush on Little Joe). These were my dad’s favorites. I remember the theme songs to two others Dad watched regularly, The Rebel (Johnny Yuma) and Rawhide. I say the theme songs because we were usually in bed when they came on, but I can sing the both songs—Have Gun Will Travel too. The only Western I really liked was Wild, Wild West when I was a bit older. Anything else? Forget it.

My husband has a fabulous memory for dialog—especially for anything Lonesome Dove. That’s top on the list of westerns he loves.  I actually had to get downright threatening when he thought going to live in Montana (he calls it MUN-tana) would be a good thing.

Really? Have you seen the snow they get up there? Well, I have. No way, no how. Have a good time. Be sure to write, lol! 

One of his very good friends (and fellow Lonesome Dove aficionados) actually did move there which tickled Dan to no end to think of Terrence “Woodrow” in MUN-tana. Terry has a magnetized sign that goes on his truck that says, “Hat Creek Cattle Company”. You’ll never guess who got that for him.

IMDb

Any number of situations can have Dan quoting ole Gus or Woodrow and he doesn't particularly care where he is when he does. My son and I know, from long observation, when he’s setting up for a quote ‘fest, particularly in restaurants and we tend to hide behind our menus. Slow service or a “surly Bartender” will get you, “One of the things we didn't put up with back then is dawdling service and as you can see, we still don’t…put up with it.”  At a table with friends, he’s been known to raise his Gold Margarita on rocks, with salt, “Here’s to the sunny slopes of long ago.” I fully expect him to tell me on his deathbed, “My God, Woodrow. It has been quite a party, ain't it?”

My husband also loves corny jokes and sayings. He has pages of stuff he’s made up. Other things are from pop culture like movies, TV shows, or comedy skits. He love “voices” and is very good with mimicking what he hears—everything from Dirty Harry to one of his favorites, South Park’s Lock Ness Monster skit. Yep, he’s been known to launch into that one at any time but especially when he hears the price of something being $2 or $3.50, “and I said tree-fitty?” He can do the whole thing, gestures, inflections, voices and all. 

He loves the voices and does them very well. Bless his heart. Too well.

Which is why we have a sign hanging beside the back door that reads: 

Warning! Alleged Comedian in residence. Enter at your own risk. 

OH MY...

Oh my moments happen to everyone. Depending upon what’s going on we tend to add more words to the phrase—even colorful metaphors, as Spock would say.

We've all had those moments, haven’t we?

Our mate brings us flowers or a gift elicits a soft response. Walking into the room where our kids just had a pillow fight may provoke a different response and tone. The lady who backs into your car can certainly incite a more inflammatory ending to the phrase. It all depends upon the circumstances.

I've had a few oh my reactions recently. Mostly good and a few surprises.

Saturday, Dan told me we had a bird trying to make a nest in the mailbox. Say what? He removed the twigs. End of story, right? Wrong. I went to go get the mail today and saw an envelope make a loop-de-loop out of the mailbox. Wtf? I look around no wind, just then a catalog slides out. Splat!  I walk up to the mailbox and bent to pick up the mail and the catalog and come eye to eye with a bird, cleaning house—except the house in question was my mailbox. Further more, there were again twigs in my mailbox. Oh my…

I wonder what you charge a determined bird for rent? Eviction notice has been given.

Again.

Last week, as I was leaving to drive my son to work, there was a Red-tail hawk sitting pretty as you please on our fence post. Seeing a big hawk where you weren't expecting to see one provoked a different response—

“Oh my god, would you look at that! Isn't he gorgeous?”  

I knew the hawks were back because I had heard their cries (screeches), but while I had seen them flying, I hadn't seen one that close. 

Wow!

On a different note, I’m reading a book that has me glued to the story. I wanted something different to read (pleasure reading—I’m not reading for reviews presently) and decided to pick up THE MAGIC WAKES, by Charity Bradford (you can find her blog here).  

OH MY!

If you like good characters, a well told story, some serious suspense, and like elements of fantasy but mostly sci-fi, this is the book to read. Just…yah. Read it.

Have you had any Oh my moments, lately? Do share.





Due to a glitch, beyond my control, I hope to be able to feature author Julie Stone a bit later. I will be featuring romance author, Julie Walker on Friday (the 17th) and she'll be talking about how she's reacted to public speaking—her trials—and triumphs and her latest book (another good read).

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

I believe our attitude towards a task colors how well we do it. It also determines how easy or difficult it is and how we feel when a task is done. Part of attitude is how we view life. Optimism and pessimism also play into the equation.

I’ve observed, over the years, that positive people find solutions to problems quicker. That could be because they don’t allow negatives to define them or shoot them down before they start. They realize that a negative attitude makes the task twice as hard to solve.  The positive person knows there is a solution. It might not be exactly what they would want the outcome to be, but the solution is there if they take the time to look for pieces and follow the threads. They don’t give up easily. Perhaps it’s that very persistence that yields success.

The past few months I had been analyzing myself and doing quite a bit of reading on craft and motivation. What was I doing different now than before. How could I turn on my creativity again and work through my negatives.

I belong to a fabulous writing group made up of successful professionals from all walks of life and at different levels of writing success. We regularly discuss all sorts of writing issues. One of the topics under discussion was regaining writing momentum. I had asked:

• If you've taken a break, what’s drawn you back to writing? 
• What keeps you putting one word in front of the other, even when discouraged, tired, or busy?

• What excites you about what you're working on now?

Most of my group work, have families, and write. We also have quite a few published authors. We have to juggle life and our writing, so as you can imagine, there were quite a few good points made—good answers. There was a definite pattern emerging and one I had seen for myself. One of our NYT bestsellers made a comment that brought it all into focus.

“When it's [the writing] hard, I think about the fact that it is a job that I've committed to…the first rule of a job is, you show up, whether you feel like it or not.”

Bingo! There it was. Attitude. It wasn’t about waiting for the muse to show up, or writing when the mood strikes. It was about the perception that writing was a job. You write. You have a routine you employ to do the job of writing. You sit in the chair and write whether it’s coming easy or hard. You are a writer. You choose to be a professional, not an amateur—or at least, if you wish to be a published author you do. If you want to succeed at any artistic endeavor to show up and go to work.

I needed to rethink my writing. What was my goal with my writing? Had it changed? Was I a professional or an amateur? Amateurs can afford to procrastinate; professionals don’t have that luxury if they want to do their job and meet their commitments.

I don’t have the stamina I had. I can’t write the hours I did, yet. It’s just as someone trains for a marathon. If you’ve never run or haven’t done it for years you aren’t going to fare well if you decide to run in tomorrow’s race. You have to build up to it and in smaller doable steps. Build up resilience and strength. You have to have determination and the desire to finish the race. That is what gets you to the daily practice no matter how you feel or what the weather is. It’s what keeps you at the sprints to build stamina, or the set of stairs you run up and down. You push through the resistance from your mind and body. You work through the sore muscles.

So I’ve set smaller goals (sometimes I can do a whole chapter and other times it’s only a few hundred words) and celebrate when I reach my goal. I’m setting up a workable routine. In the beginning it was a matter of setting a timer. When the timer goes off, I’m done. If the words are hard, I push through the resistance. Sometimes it means going to a different scene and coming back to the one that’s giving me fits. I’m not angsting over how it looks or over some of the word choices (sometimes that is the hardest part for me because I want it just so), I know I can edit it later—but I can’t edit what I don’t have down. As a good friend of mine says, looking at your writing as a job helps one depersonalize the process of creating—a way of distancing yourself from the process. Getting the words down is the job.

Honestly, for me it’s work in progress. I’m not ready to run the marathon but I show up and work. The amateur talks about it and does it haphazardly or not at all. I’ve determined that I’m a professional and I’m firm in my commitment to win—one chunk of words at a time.

SUMMERTIME AND THE LIVING IS...?

Well busy, hot, and sweaty. I swear there are times there isn’t enough hours in the day to get what has to be done finished. At least the hay is cut. The garden is alive, despite the lack of normal rain and relatively weed free. I have a list of things to do and have enjoyed ticking off the completed items.

But the sad truth is we tend to focus on the things we have to do. Those are the things that weigh on a person. We’re adults and we have responsibilities. But summer isn’t just about the must do things. Isn’t also about fun? We need to take time to find the fun and joy of being.

Being a person who needs balance in my life, I realize I also need fun things to do. Things I enjoy. The quiet time sitting outside of a morning with a fresh cup of coffee and listening to the birds sing up the sun. The quiet chuckle over silly hummingbirds arguing over who owns the feeder—or the flowers. I have a pair of nesting swallows that have a nest every year in the eaves of my breezeway/patio. It’s always fun to watch them raise up their babies. My horses, cats, and Danes—all give me joy and I do spend a lot of time with them.


Laughter is one of life’s joys.

I've also had a chance to go to the theater and see some good movies. So far my favorite has been The Avengers. Visits to my family are always something I enjoy and in the summer I try to get down to visit every other week. Two weeks ago I took a day and just visited family. My mom and I had a great time laughing and joking and sharing life’s moments. My great uncle Buddy sent my mom a small book he put together of the fox ranch my grandfather had back in the 40’s and he raised mink in the 50’s. She grew up in the Hayward area of Wisconsin and the ranch was at Lands End. Very remote and still is.  Lots of pictures of the house he built for my grandmother, pictures of my mother as a girl, my great uncles and aunt. Some pictures I hadn’t seen of my great-grandmother and grandfather Adams. Weddings, holidays, and family parties. He did it in story form and my mom loves it. He’s a published author and a retired (well mostly) wildlife biologist. He written and co-authored quite a few non-fiction books on the subject.

Later that afternoon I spent time with my brothers sharing a few beers around the pool and talking kids, jobs, and the vagaries of life after forty. Damn those body parts anyway.

I’ve visited with a nearby friend; I call her the goddess of the woods. She’s full of laughter and fun. She is a fascinating conversationalist and natural healing practitioner. 

And I’ve read quite a bit. Currently I’m reading a really good thriller called 72 Hours by William Casey Moreton (and will be reading more of his work). Other excellent books I’ve enjoyed; I Own The Dawn The Night Stalkers, ML Buchman, The Flower Reader, Elizabeth Loupas, Midnight’s Master, Donna Grant. A non-fiction, You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One) Jeff Goins. I’ve read other good books but these are in the excellent category for me.

And writing. I’m having fun with my current story and characters. I’m writing slower than I normally do but it’s steady progress.

• What have you done to balance out all the Must Do things? 
• What are some things you enjoy doing away from the computer and internet?
• Any fun vacation plans?

Making a living is not the same as making a life.

PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE—MANU FORTI—WITH A STRONG HAND

This year, 2012, has been a period of reflection for me. Taking stock. Looking at what I’ve accomplished and what I still want to achieve. Revisiting and revising my goals. I’m not sure if this reflection is the result of losing a dear brother, days shy of his fortieth birthday and seeing what it did to my family. Perhaps it’s seeing my son finish high school and knowing a chapter is closing and another beginning. Maybe it was because I almost died. Any or all of them, most likely. Whatever the reason, I’ve been thinking about past, present, and future.

In case you were wondering, Manu Forti is my clan motto. My father’s family also had a coat of arms and motto, Non Sans Cause.  That motto dates back, according to the family tree passed down through the generations, to the 13^th century, with the Lord of Prideaux (he was one of the knights that came over with William the conqueror) and was awarded lands in Cornwall. Many of his descendents settled in the Devonshire, England. My paternal, many times great, grandfather, Walter Geere, married a daughter from the house of Prideaux (late 1400’s).

A Family tree chart

I mention this because both sides of my paternal family have some pretty tough mottos and have had some tough and strong people living them. My mother’s family have never been slouches when it came to stick-to-it thinking. They were real rebel rousers, literally, in the 1700’s in this country. Not particularly liked by the crown during the revolution. But they fought for what they believed in and very much a part of making this country free and independent. Two went on to be presidents—a father and son duo. Hey, we predated the Bush family by several generations, lol!

As a family, we’re not the type to give up easily. I’ve been taught that all my life. Determine a course of action, set your goals and do it. Be willing fight for what you believe in, what is important to you, and don’t give up. Strategic retreats are okay, but only for regrouping.

These mottos and all the stories surrounding them were the backbone beliefs that went into our immediate family. And there were lots of stories told of bravery, courage of convictions, and deeds of valor. One of these days I’d like to write some of those stories. Or use what I know as a basis for stories I want to tell. There were definitely heroes and villains and a good measure of happy ever after.

It didn’t matter what it was, we were taught to fight for what we wanted and stand for what was right. If you can envision it you will find a way to make it so. But we were also taught another lesson. Don’t just look out for your self but pay forward. Give a helping hand where you can, not for the accolades and praise, but because it is the right thing to do. Don’t ever compromise your principles.  I call that honor and having principles. 

Those principles and mottos worked well for my career, finally having a child, building a life I wanted, more or less. I can definitely apply that to writing as well as other pursuits. Yes, I’ve retreated more than once and there’s no dishonor in that. I set up strategy, made plans and regrouped—always with the plan of moving forward. I’ve maintained a sense on honor, chosen the right path based on principles. I’m teaching my son to do the same.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Use your experiences of the Past, in the experiments of the Present
To achieve your expectations for the Future. 

Personal goals work that way too. You have a goal and you created reasonable steps to accomplish that goal. Don’t give up when the going gets tough—and it always gets tough at some point. Retreat if you have to. Regroup, employ strategy, and move forward.

Conclusions? I like knowing my past. It determines my present, which determines my future. I’m not in control of my past or my future. I have a measure of control over the choices I make for this day. They are only small steps towards the future. But I know, the best things in life; be they large or small, are worth fighting for. 

Giving up is not an option.




.

Monday Musings: Odds and Ends

I’m finally feeling more human than not.

I think I’ve won the battle on the ‘flu front. A week living in two layers of everything, plus a heavy full length winter housecoat (thank you hubs for it’s use) and nestled in a down comforter, I’m now down to only two layers of socks, a pair of flannel wool blend lounge pants, and a heavy thermal shirt. This is progress.

I swear I can’t remember a time when I’ve been so cold that I couldn’t get warm. My sister suggested hot baths, but that would necessitate first taking off clothes—not my first choice. Mom said a heating pad. It helped. Some. I’m not one that gets stuff like this easily. I think the poor immune system had been overworked with an infection prior to this and so I was more susceptible. I’m on round two of Bactrin and I’ll be seeing the doctor for a check up next week, if not before. Between the two, I find myself in dire need of a new energizer battery pack, lol!

So, if you’ve been missing me on your blogs it’s because half the time I couldn’t think beyond, ‘I’m so friggin’ cold’ or ‘damn, I’m so tired’. The former seems better and I’m still wrestling with the latter.

I read a good book recently, called Brooklyn Knight, by CJ Henderson. Sort of an old time pulp adventure with a paranormal bent. Piers Knight is a bit like Indiana Jones only his adventure happens in modern times and in New York. I really enjoyed Piers. He’s a well-developed character, a bit eccentric, very intelligent, witty, and a bit old fashioned. The story is well told. There’s definitely a mystery surrounding Piers and I have some theories. I’m looking forward to Central Park Knight. I’d also love to have CJ on Over Coffee. He has had a very interesting career. I need to write a review of this one!

A question to my readers: Who would you like to see featured on Over Coffee. Let me know and I’ll do my best to get them here.

As soon as Robin Kaye and I are able, we’ll pick the winners for her latest book I let the winners know.

Some upcoming guests this week are Susan Higginbotham and Stephanie Rowe. I’m looking forward to both of them.

Meanwhile, have a great week. Stay healthy. :-)

 

Negotiating with God (Humor)

~John Philipp~

It is a new year and time to get down to business. Normally at the beginning of each year I review the previous 12 months to see what I might improve upon. This year, I decided to review my entire life and I discovered a disquieting fact.

Looking back, I’m sure I made more than one deal with God, especially during my hypochondriac phase that lasted several decades and, while not cured, is currently in semi-retirement. Generally the deal took the form of “I’ll do X if You’ll let me live to be this old.”

Now I am this old and I find I'm not ready to go. Not quite yet. I still have things to do. The leaves need to be raked, I promised I’d fix the leaky faucet and I still haven’t learned conversational Lithuanian.

My last serious negotiation with God was conducted either at my confirmation or perhaps in my name by my parents when I was baptized — also known as contracting by proxy. But those negotiations were made in the context of how I understood God and the world. Things are different now, the world is different now and it’s time to update those contracts.

My first questions were: Do I need an agent to negotiate with God? Will my literary agent take this on? Could it be a whole new “genre” for him? I mentioned this to my agent. He told me that unless God has his own section at Borders, he doesn’t have the time.

Making a contract with God isn’t the same as making a contract with the devil. When you contract with the devil you are contracting for your afterlife. When you contract with God, you are contracting for this life — how long it lasts and the quality thereof.

Contracts with the devil are always suspect. The devil appears to you as a nice, regular guy with a hell of a deal (pardon the play on words) like “sign here and you will become a best-selling author” or “you will become rich” or “you will never suffer the heartbreak of psoriasis.”

There is always a catch when you deal with the devil. Once you have achieved your dream, he takes your immortal soul and, in hindsight, ten years on the New York Times best-seller list seems a high price to pay for an eternity of hellfire, which I have on good authority is a lot worse than psoriasis.

With God, you ask for a favor. In exchange, you promise to do something such as go to church every Sunday — even if the playoffs are on, always take out the garbage or stop hitting your sister on the head. If you renege on your promise to God, you won’t burn for eternity but you might get a “time out” in purgatory. At minimum, you will not get a cloud in heaven with a great view.

The contracts I made with God were specific: let me live until this age, or make sure this pain in my stomach isn’t cancer or tell Mary Sue to like me and I’ll never swear again, or I will always do my homework before turning on the television or I will stop doing that thing my mother says will cost me my eyesight.

Most of those promises had a life expectancy of a New Year’s resolution made with a lampshade on my head.

Given my checkered performance, it seems logical that when God has a chance to catch up on his paperwork, he might simply lift my life-extension guarantee and tell Saint Peter to expect a new guest.

So I prayed that God would give me a list to remind me of what I had promised to do and what we might work out as a settlement — one that requires I hang around here for a while to fulfill. I’m waiting for an answer.

If you break a contract with God, you’ll get no sympathy from your friends and relatives. Whereas, if you can figure out a way to break a contract with the devil, everyone is impressed with how clever you were to outwit Satan on his own court.

Your choice.

However you decide, good luck and have a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

~*~*~*~

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards.

His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/

Recharging: The Saving Grace of Laughter

Laughter isn't just the best medicine -- it's life's saving grace.

Everyone needs time away to refresh not only his or her creative spirit, but time to let go of stress. Ever notice when you spend time with friends or family laughing and having a good time, you tend to come back to every day chores with a renewed spirit? The manuscript you flung across the room in frustration suddenly has redeeming value again. You no longer want to send your kids and/or husband to homestead on the moon. What do you mean there is no oxygen or gravity? You’re so brilliant make some. (I figure I might as well put them to work while they know everything.)

The past week, I had a lot on my plate. I had deadlines, interviews to conduct, people I had to see, and places I had to be. I was still dealing with two weeks of sleep deprivation from when my son was recuperated from surgery—brings back memories of dealing with infant feedings every two hours. I had some late nights. I can tell you now, it ain’t pretty when those toothpicks propping open your eyelids fall out, nor is keyboard marks embedded in your face. I reopened a chapter I was writing while I was in the zone. I just didn’t realize what *zone I inhabited when I wrote a part of it. Sigh…yep, I found I had channeled three paragraphs of a foreign language from somewhere in the universe. Not sure exactly where and the UN has no known translators of this language.

Delete.

*Metaphorically throwing the manuscript across the room while muttering, ‘I so suck’.

Saturday, I had had it. My nap was interrupted, I had a stream of ranch business visitors, and I was grumpy. I grabbed the kid and said, "change clothes; we’re heading to Grandma’s house and bring your bathing suit." Just mentally shut the door on everything. Put on Seether, Breaking Benjamin, and Five Finger Death Punch, turned it up loud and Jake and I sang all the way to my mom’s

I had a wonderful time. I dropped Jake off at my brother’s house to visit with his cousin, and I went to my mom’s. No husbands and just girl time. We giggled and laughed. We swam in her pool, ran in the house just ahead of lightning and thunder. Mom has a healthy respect for both now but then proceeded to tell me tales of her misspent youth; a rowboat with an outboard in the middle of the lake on my grandparent's resort in Wisconsin. My mother gunning the engine to jump waves in the middle of a horrendous thunder storm, not once, but many times. *eye roll.

You’ve heard of ghost tales around the campfire? We shared, it’s a wonder we’re still alive tales. We sipped coffee and ate chocolate, we laughed at all the do you remember when stories and watched the Lightning bugs rise. We stayed up until 11:30 p.m. and had a blast. Sunday morning we got up to watch the birds sing up the sun and slipped into conversation on current events, music, books, and movies. Mom’s a great conversationalist and a well informed person and it’s amazing how smart she’s grown since I was a teen. *Wink

My younger brother came up to the house (he actually lives next door, sorta, on the family compound) at 7:30 for morning coffee and talk about his upcoming wedding. He’s twenty-six and marrying for the first time. Gads, I never realized what a romantic he is. We rounded off the morning with a visit from my other brother and his partner and my sister. Then it was time to go to my brother Mike’s house to pick up the kid. I was bubbly and relaxed--even when I had a blow out on the gravel road to my brother’s house. He played Knight in a shiny pick-up, had my tire changed in less than ten minutes (good thing as it was 90 degrees), picked up the kid and off for home.

I was energized, was able to finish the chapter I working on—in English this time, take care of blog stuff and still had time to do some work with my Arabian.


I need those fun times.

• What do you do to recharge or relax? You know, those weeks when life has you by the throat and you feel like any creative spark you’ve ever had must have died an ignominious death?

Monday's Musings

Usually when I return from writing conferences I’m jazzed and can’t wait to get back to my writing. Workshops or seminars by various authors inspire and energize me. Many times I’ve learn of a solution to a roadblock I’m facing in a current WIP. My fingers itch to stroke my keyboard.

I don’t know what happened to me when I attended The Romance Times Convention. I came back …tired, but a head full of information I had amassed through seminars and personal chats with authors. But instead of wanting to write, all I wanted to do was read. I can’t blame it on all the books I brought home. I always have stacks of books I’m interested in reading, books I’ve bought, books for reviews, and books from authors I will be having on my blog.

It’s not like my story bores me; the opposite in fact, it’s fun and I really like my characters and the premise. It’s exciting. Oh there are tedious parts, like the needed research to build the world I need, but for the most part I enjoy research as my inner history geek has a ball with it.

So what’s the problem? *Shrugging. I haven’t a clue. Could be having taken in so much info my mind needs time to process it. That’s very possible. My creative mind seems to have a loop separate from everyday stuff. I can feel it processing things, clicking away, arranging, and making sense of information and how to use it. When it’s happening, I tend to dream about it. Kind of how I write. The initial germ of the idea will appear and then it rattles around until all the pieces fall into place. When that happens I have to write. The green light is blinking and it needs to come out.

I’m sure periods of sleep deprivation haven’t helped but the kid is now improving in leaps and bounds and is almost back to normal. Realistically, I knew if I opened my WIP I’d want to immerse myself and that doesn’t go well with nursing a sick kid.

I still work. I’m filling June and July’s blog calendar. I’m writing all the time, just not my WIP.

So, I’ve been reading.

I admit I’ve probably read about 20 books in the past month. Whereas I used to never start another book while in the middle of another—what’s the point? If it loses my attention why go back to it? But I do have to do reviews, both fiction and non-fiction, so I usually have a non-fiction book going on the side.

Some books I can recommend:

• Rock Paper Tiger, Lisa Brackmann—fabulous book and I feel like I spent several days traipsing around China. She nails the whole culture so very well.
• 
  Black ops Inc series by Cindy Gerard—I’m reading her backlist on the series.
• 
  Dark Sword series by Donna Grant—I loved both of them and hate I have to wait several months for the next one.
• 
  The latest by Christine Feehan in her Leopard series (she’s an auto buy for me).
• 
  Kathryne Kennedy’s also an auto buy for me and I love her new series, The Elven Lords. Para-Historical is smooth and Fire Lord’s Lover is oh so worth reading.
• 
  Alexandra Ivy Guardians of Eternity series.
• 
  Christie Craig’s Shut Up and Kiss Me, which I hadn’t read before and I love her style. I’m going into her backlist now.
• 
  I’ve read and enjoyed Francis Ray’s It Had to Be You and have some of her backlist of The Grayson Friends Novels.
• 
  Patricia Sargeant’s On Fire.
  
• Donna MacMeans, The Seduction of A Duke
• 
  I’ve also been indulging in Steven Coonts Deep Black series Thrillers. Love his books.
  
  Non-fiction I’ve been reading and like (remember History geek) is My Times in Black and White. Fascinating book about Gerald M. Boyd, editor of NYTimes. Living history.

Up coming guests: Emily Bryan, Kate Douglas, Marie Force, Kathyrne Kennedy, Graham Brown, Faye Huges/Christie Craig, and many others the next two months. So be sure to check back or watch my Twitter and Facebook for announcements.

• Read any good books lately?

Have a great week!

Just Another Manic Monday

I have to admit, usually Mondays are calm in my house. Everyone is either off to work or school and the house is mine, mine I say. And quiet. Today, not so much.

Today just tops off a rather manic week dealing with all sorts of fires including my son having surgery last Monday to remove tonsils as big as Texas. Nothing like having your kid famous for tonsils. Let me tell you, tonsillectomies are a simple procedure in the normal course of events and if the patient is 10 or under. At 15 or older? Not so much. Then you add the fact that most guys turn into little kids when they're sick. Or in this case, a toddler. A beleaguered mom has to bridge that fine line of sympathy and tough love. She is also reduced to pulling out a pacifier and disposable diaper (I keep a supply on hand for my grand nieces) when the whining becomes too much. But, by golly, it sure gets the point across in a very tangible way, lol!

All this has been going on as I do a mad scramble, after attending Romance Times Convention, booking authors for the blog for June and July. I'm still scrambling. But I do have some good guests coming up. On Wednesday I have Christie Craig, SHUT UP AND KISS ME. A fun book I really enjoyed reading.

Today, a week after surgery, was suppose to be calm. Ha! Teach me to think. I have a bleeding throat and a scared kid to content with. Have I mentioned I have the utmost respect for nurses? You don't get paid nearly enough and there should be a halo given for patience and maintaining a caring attitude despite cranky and hurting patients. Ah well, this too shall pass. :-)

I have some goodies to hand out. Namely winners of books. Yay. Winners are always fun and I have some great books to hand out to the following:

Francis Ray, IT HAD TO BE YOU:

• Leann Stewart

Cindy Gerard, RISK NO SECRETS:

• Lisa, (Modokker)
  

Brenda Jackson, HIDDEN PLEASURES (5 copies):

• Melissa Bradley
• Angewolfstorm
• Terry's Crafty Fingers
• LadySilver
• LaTiscia
  

Libby Malin, MY OWN PERSONAL SOAP OPERA:

• Annette Fitgearald

Lydia Dare, A CERTAIN WOLFISH CHARM:

• Vivian Archer


• Allyson Rueban

Emery Lee, THE HIGHEST STAKES:

• Sunsinger
• Barbara Croy

Congratulations to the winners! Be sure to contact me, siamckye@gmail.com with your physical address so we can get your books out to you.

Have a great week everyone!

Meanwhile, if you'll excuse me I'm just gonna.....