Ideal Writing Day?

I'm pleased to have Libby Malin visiting Over Coffee again with her latest romantic comedy, My Own Personal Soap Opera. Libby writes both YA (as Libby Sternberg) and humorous Women's Fiction.

Libby leads a very busy life as many authors do these days. She's a wife, a mother of three, and a professional writer. She has worn many hats in her professional life, a Spanish gypsy, a Russian courtier, a Middle-Eastern slave, a Japanese Geisha, a Chinese peasant, and a French courtesan – that is, she sang as a union chorister in both Baltimore and Washington Operas. She's been an education reform advocate, done stints on Public Radio, and then turned to writing, working in a public relations office and then as a freelancer for various trade organizations and small newspapers.

• Given her busy schedule I asked her, What is your ideal writing day? Have you ever had one?

I’ve been doing a lot of crazy blog posts during this virtual book tour, so my first inclination when I get asked this question was to dream up an extravagantly luxurious day involving pools, pool boys, masseuses, bon bons, pedicures, manicures, martinis and gauzy peasant-style clothing that I wear while typing on my laptop in a gazebo amidst flower-scented warm breezes.

But I won’t go there.

Instead, I’ll the truth. :-)

A realistic ideal writing day for me is actually one where I feel I have the freedom to write as long as I want, the inspiration to stick with the writing and an ironclad surety that what I write will be published. Rarely does an author experience that.

But here’s the closest I have come to that ideal—writing virtually nonstop all day because I’m on fire to tell a particular story, resentful of any interruptions (phone calls, meals!) and eager to get back to my characters, reasonably sure I can sell what I’m writing.

I think those moments are rare for most authors because of the need to work at other jobs and also because of the unsteadiness of the market. Few authors are sure these days that their next book will sell.

I’ve been very fortunate because I also work as a freelance writer and editor. For several organizations, I write articles and other publications. And for two publishing houses, I am a copy editor. This work is very fulfilling, keeps my bank account from growing too anemic, and also helps me polish skills I use as a writer of fiction. But this work—especially the copy editing, which usually has a tight deadline—can interfere with writing fiction. So I have learned to discipline myself to write, even when inspiration or a whole lot of creative energy isn’t there.

Most beginning writers have to learn that lesson very quickly because often, writers are working full-time before or even after they sell their first novel. Somehow, you find the time and the energy to make it happen. If writing is what you really want to do, nothing can stop you!

I’d be happy to answer any questions about the writer’s life or about writing comedy, in particular.

My Own Personal Soap Opera is my third humorous women’s fiction book. I’m very fond of its characters, particularly the protagonist, Frankie McNally, who is also a writer—the head writer for a soap opera.

I had a lot of fun researching this book by reading autobiographies of soap stars and interviewing some folks who’ve been involved in soap opera work. The head writer of As the World Turns was particularly kind and patient with me, and I really appreciated her help. Of course, I take liberties with the real information I unearthed, but I hope the book creates a realistic-enough feel that even those in the industry will find it entertaining!

• Any questions about comedy or writing, thoughts, or comments? 2 copies of My Own Personal Soap Opera. 2 winners, US and Canada only. Be sure to leave me a way to contact you.

Back Cover Blurb:

Is life stranger than fiction, or vice versa?

Frankie McNally has found the perfect solution for life’s perplexing problems: as head writer for the daytime soap Lust for Life, she works them out on the air!

Meanwhile, Frankie’s being courted simultaneously by the dashing older man sent in to save the show’s sagging ratings and by the soap’s totally hot leading man. And just when Frankie thinks the plot couldn’t get more complicated, a jewel thief starts copying the show’s storyline-a development that could send the show’s ratings soaring, if it doesn’t get Frankie arrested first...

Can Frankie writer her way out of this one? And can she put make believe aside long enough to discover the truth of her own heart?

First Chapter Excerpt Download

In her signature blending of the hilarious with the poignant, Libby Malin’s latest light-hearted novel combines the best of life and of fiction into an entertaining and incredibly satisfying read.

~*~*~*~

Libby Malin is published in women’s fiction, including the books Fire Me, My Own Personal Soap Opera and Loves Me, Loves Me Not. Writing as Libby Sternberg, she is also an Edgar nominated YA mystery writer. As Libby Sternberg, she has an adult historical mystery offered exclusively on Kindle called Death Is the Cool Night. Her first print adult historical, Sloane Hall (inspired by Jane Eyre and set in old Hollywood), will be released in September.

Libby has worked in public relations, as an education reform advocate, and was a member of the Vermont Commission on Women. She is the proud mother of three children and lives with her wonderful husband in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

• For more information please visit http://www.libbysbooks.com/ or her blog, http://www.libbysbooks.blogspot.com/.

• You can drop her a note at mailto:LibbyMalin@hotmail.com if you’d like to be put on her email list.

• Also, you can friend her on Facebook at Libby Malin Sternberg.
  

Dear Mr. Manly ...

After the stress and fun of the holiday and the horrors of Black Friday, I thought a bit of laughter would be in order. I can't think of a better person to tickle the funny bone and create laughter, than John Philipp.

Everyone has problems. It's part of the human condition. Life is not designed to be fair (why is another column). So, we do our best to cope with life and yet, as with many other endeavors, we run into a double standard.

Women are inundated with advice to help them resolve their problems, even problems they didn't know they had. Entire wings of bookstores are dedicated to female "help" books that cover all possible past, present and future problems a woman might have. There are support groups for everything from recent breakups to body size and every newspaper has an advice column, occasionally written by a man but always with a female bias and byline.

Men not only have no male self-esteem section in the bookstore, they have no books. Men have no support groups unless you count sports bars, which only help a man by causing him to forget his problems temporarily. Most important, men have no one to write to for advice.

As a result, men are perpetual faux-pas machines, blindly stumbling through life, hopping from embarrassment to embarrassment. Women are no help here. They just comment "There he goes again," reinforcing the stereotype of the incompetent male.

The fact of the matter is that there are win-win solutions to most male problems, or at least solutions where the man walks away less damaged than he would be normally.

Today we offer a new advice column, hosted by, Mr. Oliver Manly, and targeted at today's muddling male.

Dear Mr. Oliver Manly: My wife always invites relatives over when there are really good sports games scheduled. Then
she gets upset when I turn on ESPN. I feel I'm in a lose-lose situation: I don't like her relatives and I don't want to miss my games. One year she even hid the remote. I need advice. I'd hate to move out.

Blacked Out in Baltimore

Dear Blacked Out:

Women don't understand the importance of regular sports viewing to today's modern male. Find a sympathetic doctor and get a "sports prescription." Have him include words like "increased testosterone" and "sustained foreplay ability" on the scrip.

If that doesn't work, wear a Bluetooth earplug. Your grandfather listened to sports. You can too.

Dear MOM: Now that we have three kids my wife wants to redecorate our game room so it can double as a guest room. The problem is she wants to replace my Wall-O-Beer —constructed of cans representing every different brand of beer I ever drank — with a large oil painting of some farmer's field and two sconces (whatever they are).

I'm willing to walk away from the foosball table but the Wall-O-Beer is my life's work.

— Dry in Des Moines

Dear Dry:

If beer is your life's work you need to get another life. Seriously, keep the Wall-O-Beer and cover it with tapestry draw curtains. As a sales clincher, let her "chance" upon you sitting in the dark in front of the Wall sniffling (there are audio tapes available for this purpose).

P.S. Take a photo off the Wall ASAP. Sometimes mementoes that lie in the way of decorative progress have accidents.

Dear MOM: I'd like you to settle a dispute. My wife complains when I leave the toilet seat in the up position and insists this is a social fo-pa [sic]. First, I don't see what her pa has to do with it and second I'm pretty sure tinkling with the seat down is unhygienic.

--Up or Down In Upper Detroit

Dear Up or Down:

Your wife is trying to be diplomatic in her explanation of the problem, which centers not on proper protocol but on feminine physiology. If this isn't clear, let her draw you a picture.

Women use a more ladylike posture in the powder room. When stumbling into a dark bathroom in the middle of the night, an upset commode can lead to social and physical embarrassment. If that's not clear, here's the straight skinny at your level: No one likes to sleep with a wet behind.

Social Maturity Hint: Once one is old enough to get married it is customary to stop using words like "tinkle."

Mr. Manly is open for your questions.

—###—

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards. His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/humor.gather.com/.His wisdom (with Phil Prank's cartoons) is posted at Thought~Bytes http://thoughtbytes.gather.com/

How To Sprinkle Your Articles With Humor

-John Philipp

"There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree." Josh Billings

I've posted several articles on writing humor. One thing most everyone will agree with is that writing humor is hard work. You have to spend a lot of time looking for just the right word or phrase or device to put the sizzle in you writing.

Even then, how do you know others will think what you wrote is funny? Maybe your twisted, little mind is the only one laughing. Professional comedians try out their material over and over again, honing every nuance and inflection. The average writer definitely does not have the time or access to do that.

If you're writing an article that is meant to be humorous, these obstacles come with the territory. But, what if you'd like to add a little humor to a regular fiction or nonfiction piece, and you don't have the time, or the inclination, or your comedy muse is on an extended vacation?

My suggestion is Quote the Experts.

You can add humor to any article with a few well-placed quotes from people who get paid to be funny. A few sources:

• "The Comedy Thesaurus - 3,241 Quips, Quotes and Smartass Remarks" by Judy Brown organizes these funny lines by category. "
  

• Milton Berle's Private Joke File" book does the same, claiming to index over 10,000 items. I didn't count them myself, but I'm sure Uncle Miltie wouldn't exaggerate.
  

• The Internet is a bottomless pit of guffaws. To mention just a few: Jokes 2 Go.com has some funny lists sorted by category and Mike Durett's About.com Guide to Humor has a list of humor categories.

What I do when I need a funny quote is I type in the key words of the topic plus "humor" and hit the Google button. That usually gets me what I want. For example, I recently Googled for a quote about American politics and came up with a line by Ronald Reagan, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

I'll mention three places this can work for you. The first is at the beginning of your piece (as I did in this article) and starts you off on a good note.

A second place is in the middle, particularly using a quote about a key word in your topic such as, "Now I want to talk about computer programming, which, as Ron Heuse once said, "is a lot like sex. One mistake and you could have to support it the rest of your life."

The third place to use humorous quotes is (bet you guessed this) at the end. It can be a good way to summarize your message and leave the reader remembering your piece with a smile. And, so saying, I leave you with James Thurber's line, "Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

By the way, when you're trolling the Internet for humor, I'd like to point out that Anonymous was a pen name I used to use. I don't need that anymore, so I'd appreciate it, if you use one of my quips, you use my real name.

-##-

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards. His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/.
His wisdom (with Phil Prank's cartoons) is posted at Thought~Bytes http://thoughtbytes.gather.com/

I thought I'd share one of John's Thought~Bytes with you. You can find them on Gather.com at the link provided above. John publishes them every Wednesday.

How To Write Humor--Using Humor Devices Part III

-John Philipp

In a previous article, we discussed Stealing From The Barry Best (July 3rd) But you don't have to steal the joke itself, you can steal the device, the method used by the writer to achieve a desired effect.

When you read humor you should not only enjoy the joke but observe the devices an author uses to achieve his effect.

Here are some examples of humor devices you may be able to use in some article somewhere. (All examples are by Dave Barry unless otherwise noted)

• Make up Absurd Holidays: Dave Barry uses this device all the time to exaggerate a point e.g. "Of course, congress will be unavailable as they will be celebrating National Peat Bog Awareness Month."

• Describe a bad trait of a character, then use a word such as "yet" to indicate you are going to balance this with a good aspect and, instead, describe another bad trait e.g. "(He is) an abrasive mayor who really gets on some people's nerves, yet at the same time strikes other people as a jerk."

• Describe an experience with an absurd analogy e.g. "As an emotional experience, it ranks right behind having a gallstone operation, without anesthetic, performed in a blizzard on the top of a 100-foot tower erected at the North Pole." Jon Carroll

• Use a real name to thinly disguise another real name e.g. "…a large organization that, out of respect for its privacy, I will refer to as "The Episcopal Church" (not its real name). Even though The Episcopal Church pretty much runs Utah, it's trying to keep a low profile during the Olympics."

• Use a descriptor to describe an item and then misuse the same descriptor in a humorous way e.g."…to watch the men's 90-meter ski jump, which gets its name from the fact that a sane person would have to drink a 90-meter-high glass of gin before he would even consider attempting this sport."

• Play "blame the editor e.g."…who have since become the most famous Canadians in world history, surpassing even (EDITOR: Please insert names of some famous Canadians here)."

Another favorite device of Dave Barry's, for those of you who like word puzzles, is to jumble letters in a proper name of person or place e.g. "The letters in 'Marie-Reine Le Gougne' can be rearranged to spell "An eerie groin legume."

• Make a purposeful error, then correct it e.g. "How a Bill Becomes a Law-First the bill secretes a substance that it uses to form a cocoon, and then it … No, sorry. That's how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. The way a bill becomes a law is: . . ."

• Split words into syllables to make up a funny definition e.g. the word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."

• Use the phrase "which, for want of a better term I will call (the obvious)" e.g. "From time to time I receive letters from a certain group of individuals that I will describe, for want of a better term, as 'women'."

Footnotes can also be used as a humor device:
For example, the device I call 'none of your business with a titillating footnote' e.g. "which is truly one of the most fascinating episodes in American history, although it is quite frankly none of your business (1). (Below Barry footnotes: "1) Especially the part about the dwarf goat.")

Then there is always the condescending footnote: "If there's one thing Americans love, it's satire." The footnote reads: "For an example of satire, reread this sentence."

I'll end with one of my Dave Barry favorites. You figure out the device. "There are two major schools of thought on how to pack for traveling. These are known technically as "my school" and "my wife's school."

Now you need some humorous articles on which to try out your new humor observation skills.
****

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards. His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/.His wisdom (with Phil Frank's cartoons) is posted at Thought~Bytes http://thoughtbytes.gather.com/

Writing Humor, Part II - The Art of Exaggeration: Steal from the Barry Best

John Philipp

If you want to write comedy, you have to learn to steal. I don't mean plagiarize; I mean steal, a long-standing, revered (or at least tolerated) technique among comedians.

Of course, you don't lift whole sections of a humorist's work and call it your own. Don't even use their punch lines without giving them credit. But you can analyze their writing and steal devices. If you are going to steal, do as Milton Berle did: steal from the very best.

One of the very best is Dave Barry, one of only two humorists to ever win the coveted Pulitzer Prize (the other was Art Buchwald).

What are Dave's secrets? One is that he's a master of using exaggeration to heighten humor. Consider this passage about the plight of the American male when faced with the 4307 dials and settings on the modern washing machine. (See, I'm using exaggeration as well.)

• "We worry that if we get just one variable wrong, we will find ourselves facing a wrathful spouse, who is holding up a garment that was once a valued brassiere of normal dimensions, but is now suitable only as a sun hat for a small, two-headed squirrel."
  

What makes exaggeration most effective is when you apply it to a real situation - in this case, the known fact that an improper temperature setting can cause some garments to shrink. Then you pick the funniest garment as an example and shrink it to an exaggerated, absurd level.

Dave once told me that after he writes his column he spends days going over every sentence and every word looking for the funniest option. Squirrel was the winner in this case. He asked, "Which is funnier: hamster or gerbil?" I answered, "Gerbil." Dave said, "No, weasel is even funnier. You have to keep stretching.

"The key is to not hold back, the bigger the exaggeration, the funnier the line. Mr. Barry, some examples if you please:

• "Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything."



• "I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War."



• "If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."



• "It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells ... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."



• "She has enough leftovers to make turkey sandwiches for everybody in Belgium."



• Re: an explicit lingerie outfit: it was "so sheer you could read an appliance warranty through it in an unlit closet."
  

And, you can exaggerate in the other direction, as in, "Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Another way to use exaggeration is though metaphors and analogies. Again, we can look to Mr. Barry for a graduate course in using these devices. Here are some examples that also incorporate exaggeration for a double-whammy:

• "Our primary living-room sofa looks like a buffalo that has been dead for some time."



• (The singer) "sounded like a water buffalo giving birth over a public address system."



• "Aging faster than a day-old bagel in a hot dumpster."

• A teenaged boy is "basically a walking hormone storm."
  

And, when you find a good exaggerated metaphor, extend it even further:

• "Even as I write these words, there is a spider right outside my house that could serve, all by itself, as our NATO forces. This spider has erected a web that covers most of our property and contains wrapped-up food bundles the size of missing neighborhood dogs."
  

The last point is that when you write comedy you take out all qualifiers. Delete, probably, some people, sometimes and maybe — all those words that weaken the exaggerated position you are taking. These words would be appropriate if you were trying to be realistic. You're not. You're trying to be funny.

(If you want samples to learn from, while Dave stopped writing columns last year, his newspaper, the Miami Herald, reprints his classics every week at Dave Barry Classic Columns )

—###—

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards. His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/.His wisdom (with Phil Frank's cartoons) is posted at Thought~Bytes http://thoughtbytes.gather.com/

I Am Not A Natural Writer

It is my pleasure to introduce to you, award winning humorist, John Philipp. John writes for several California newspapers and aside from those columns, he also has a thought provoking series called Thought~Bytes.

I asked him if he’d be willing to share some humor writing tips with us Over Coffee. Humor is something used in many genres and takes quite a bit of skill to pull off effectively.

John has graciously agreed to share a series of articles on writing humor. So for the next month, starting Friday, June 19th I will be featuring his articles here on Over Coffee.

John shares some thoughts on writing humor:

I am not a natural writer. I am a natural talker or so I thought until I transcribed a conversation I'd had with someone.

OK, I'm not a natural talker or a natural writer. (I am a natural eater and, while important to waist management, which has little relevance here.) I do consider myself a natural humorist. Taking that as strength, my choices were: do standup or write a humor column. I chose to learn how to write.

I wrote a few columns on topics I thought were funny and discovered I had some faults and was missing some skills. For example, I was not grounded in grammar. I felt one should write a sentence the way it sounds best. Turns out this is not true for a large percentage of readers, especially those in the newspaper business. If I wanted to write my own way I should have opted to do standup, but then there's the queasy stomach thing.

There are two relatively easy fixes to poor grammar — and neither of them is to study a grammar book. Sitting down, reading, and practicing the proper timing and placement of commas in sentences is, I am convinced, one of the top ten punishments in the Lower Kingdom.

I got better at grammar by lurking and reading writing critique websites where people edit and correct each other's writing. That experience also made me a more observant reader, grammarwise.

The second solution to better grammar is a semi-magical person called a copywriter. It is their job to correct your grammar, double check facts, correct proper name spelling and steward the use of capitals. Everything published needs a copy editor, if only because every publisher has a set of standards they follow (such as the AP Stylebook) and I guarantee you that you could spend your whole life studying and still never know when you should use a numeric character versus write out the word.

Spelling was another fault, one that surprised me. Either I've been leading a myopic life or spelling of some common words has changed since I was in grammar school (irony noted). Perhaps changing the spelling of words occurs at the same time when the government takes or gives us hours on the clock. Fortunately, there's an easy, electronic fix for bad spelling.

I found plenty of other faults that with practice and a damn good checklist I have pruned down to an acceptable level of occurrence.

The topic of missing skills was harder to overcome...

June 19th: How to Write a Humor Column.
June 26th: Writing Humor—Random Association Part I
July 3rd: Writing Humor—The Art of Exaggeration Part II
July 10th: Writing Humor—Part III

July 17th: How To sprinkle Your Articles (Writing) With Humor

***

John Philipp is a weekly humor columnist for four Marin County, California newspapers and has won numerous humor and memoir writing awards. His humor columns are posted at http://johnphilipphumor.gather.com/.
His wisdom (with Phil Frank's cartoons) is posted at Thought~Bytes http://thoughtbytes.gather.com/

OVER TO THE DORK SIDE—WRITING IT FUNNY.

My guest is Tina Ferraro, author of The ABC's Of Kissing Boys. A story about a girl who didn’t make varsity soccer with her teammates, and comes up with a crazy-but-just-might-work scheme to get promoted that involves learning everything she can about the art of kissing.

Some authors seem to have the knack of being able to write humor. One would think its inborn gift and one that requires little effort on the part of the author. So receiving a note from your editor with the suggestion to make it funnier should be an easy thing to fix, right? Tina discusses how she handles those sort of suggestions:

I once read an interview with the witty actress/author, Carrie Fisher, where she recounted how painful it was for her to go on talk shows. For not only did she need something interesting to say, she was expected to be funny. And while she knew she was capable of making people laugh, she simply could not count on her sense of humor walking out from behind the curtain with her.

I totally related. While no one’s going to ask me onto a talk show, the young adult novels that I write for Random House are considered by my publisher and reviewers to be humorous. I admit that I have an eye for the absurd, and have been known to “crack up” my fellow airport shuttle bus riders or the back row of a PTA meeting with LOL one-liners. But like Carrie Fisher, my humor is not something I can control.

So imagine my horror when I got the line edits back on my 2008 release, How to Hook a Hottie, and saw notes from my editor that said things like, “Good, but make this funnier.”

Make this funnier? Make this funnier?

Would if I could!

I went into a total tailspin--including taking a dive for cover underneath the nearest bed. Only to find the space crammed. With the workout clothes. Dust bunnies. Tooth fairy teeth. Which meant in order to complete my breakdown, I was going to have to clean. And sorry, but that was a deal-breaker.

So back I went to my line edits. Make this funnier.

Heaven help me.

Next up: I grabbed a carton of ice cream and my Sienfeld DVD’s, and began my own private marathon. Trying to immerse myself in the obsessive, zany, and over-the-top humor that makes me laugh.

Eventually, I had no choice but to return to the manuscript. With a heavy heart and even heavier stomach, I flipped to those scenes and addressed my editor’s concerns, and tried to make them funnier. Whether or not I hit the high notes is a subjective call. But I must have done “well enough” because the American Bookseller’s Association named it one of their top teen picks of the season. And it was recently named a finalist in the Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence contest. I’m proud of those accomplishments, and of the book.

But here’s the thing. If we ever meet face-to-face (and I hope we do), and you want to see a glimpse of my humor? Don’t mention this blog or my books. Don’t ask me about my writing process or my kids’ teeth.

Tell me I have leaves in my hair. Or better yet, that I sat in something that looks like melted butter. I can pretty much guarantee, in the throes of my utter embarrassment, I’ll be funny. Because I’m starting realize...that’s where my humor goes when I can’t find it.

Over to the dork side.

Hey, think this revelation could help Carrie Fisher?

Tina Ferraro is the author of three young adult novels, Top Ten Uses for an Unworn Prom Dress, How to Hook a Hottie (2009 RITA finalist), and The ABC's of Kissing Boys. Her fourth book, When Bad Flings Happen to Good Girls, releases summer of 2010.

She lives behind a computer screen in southern California with her husband, their cat, and whichever kids happen to be home.

Some of Tina’s favorite things include reading, drinking lattes, hanging with her family, watching the TV show Lost, and chatting with her readers through her Website, www.tinaferraro.com

and her blog at www.yafresh.blogspot.com.