Monday Musings: My Greatest Blessing

I received one of my greatest blessings 18 years ago today.

It was an incomparable gift. It was also one I thought I'd never have. But, because I did receive that gift, I can tell you there are still miracles performed in our behalf. I don't often speak of my belief in God on my blog. It's not the focus of my blog although it is very much part of my life. I do firmly believe that there is a loving heavenly father that hears the groanings of our heart and is not unmoved by our joys, pain or sorrow.

Just as we enjoy giving gifts to those we love or giving comfort those we love when they feel pain—they matter to us—so does our heavenly father.  We matter to him and he sees us as individuals—some of which he calls friend, all of which he has love and affection for. My gift is evidence of his love for me. While I have received many gifts and blessings from him, my son is the greatest personal gift he has given me.

Today was a day of reflection and yes, thanksgiving. I remember counting fingers and toes, the first night home and the realization that this little tiny human wasn't going home with anyone else. He was all mine. I have to tell you, there was a moment of panic when I realized that. The sense of responsibility that settled on my shoulders, coupled with the intense love I felt, and the plethora of what ifs that plagued me. But, it was only momentary because I got on with day-to-day living. 

For all the joy and satisfaction my gift has given me, I have to say that there is a measure of sadness today. My bundle of joy (sometimes my major pain in the butt) is now a young man of 18 and soon to go out on his own. It will leave a bit of a hole in my life. It's not a bad thing but I do miss the little boy he was and all the firsts that came with him. Time has flown by, as it is wont to do, and I'm remembering all the firsts. The pride I felt watching his first wobbling steps.

Soon I'll be watching his first steps away from home as he picks up his responsibilities in the Navy.

My son, when I look at you I realize that truly,

"Every good gift and every perfect present is from above, for it comes down from the Father..." James 1:17

  

Monday Musings: Moments Good and Bad

The past few weeks have not been kind to me. My bridge bit the dust. Finding out that no, it can’t be repaired. Worse, I had a pivotal tooth break. Ugh. Even worse, the procedure to fix everything couldn’t be done immediately. Which meant learning to perfect a Mona Lisa smile and not an easy task for someone who smiles with their whole face and shows lots of teeth. Gosh, all I needed was a long piece of straw, floppy hat, say, Yee-haw.


Let’s just say looking in the mirror has been depressing. I’ve never even seen myself without those teeth. No, I’m not about to put on lipstick, no, I don’t want to go out to dinner. Hell, I don’t want to go anywhere. So I’ve been hiding out and will continue to until next week when the surgeon does his thing—pulling this out screwing that in, twisting the other thing. At least I’ll be asleep while they do all that. But this isn’t a quick procedure. The whole thing will span six weeks. Oh, yay.


My guys have been trying to cheer me up, and doing a pretty good job of it. Until a few days ago when I mentioned that Sunday was Mother’s Day and I needed to get a card for my mom. My son gives me this blank look of, huh? My heart dropped to my feet. He hasn’t gotten me anything. I felt the tears well up. I am not a weepy woman. Did I mention I’ve been feeling sorry for myself?


Mother’s Day is a favorite holiday of mine; in part because there was a time I thought I would never get to be one. A mother, that is. Then surprise, a baby was on the way. When I looked into that little ET face, I felt so very blessed and the wait had been worth it. My first Mother’s Day was such a time of joy for me. So for me, it’s more important than any of the other holidays, except my anniversary.


My husband never fails to get me special things. But when I woke up, there wasn’t a card or anything. Very strange. He did have my coffee ready when I stumbled into the kitchen and after drinking a cup that heavenly brew; I took the dogs for a long walk and came back to breakfast and a rose. Awww.

When I came back from my shower, there on the table was a beautiful silk arrangement of peonies, roses, and a few other flowers (I prefer silk to real), cards, and gifts. Hugs, from both my son and hubs. Plus, they had found the clock I’ve been lusting after and every time I tried to order it, it had been out of stock.


My son told me when he hugged me how hard I made it when I looked so sad to think he had forgotten Mother’s Day. “Sheesh, mom, I almost pulled out your card early just to make you smile. I would never forget Mother’s Day.”

My husband told me Son had spent a lot of time finding just the right card for me. He tried to help but Son said, “No Dad, it’s not the right one. I’ll know it when I see it.” It was a special one about the strong bond between a mother and a son. It went into my special chest with his first shoes, the outfit I brought him home from the hospital in, and other treasures I cherish and added over the years.

• There are certain holidays and family traditions that are special. What are some of yours?