Monday, February 25, 2013

Monday Musings: My Greatest Blessing

I received one of my greatest blessings 18 years ago today.

It was an incomparable gift. It was also one I thought I'd never have. But, because I did receive that gift, I can tell you there are still miracles performed in our behalf. I don't often speak of my belief in God on my blog. It's not the focus of my blog although it is very much part of my life. I do firmly believe that there is a loving heavenly father that hears the groanings of our heart and is not unmoved by our joys, pain or sorrow.

Just as we enjoy giving gifts to those we love or giving comfort those we love when they feel pain—they matter to us—so does our heavenly father.  We matter to him and he sees us as individuals—some of which he calls friend, all of which he has love and affection for. My gift is evidence of his love for me. While I have received many gifts and blessings from him, my son is the greatest personal gift he has given me.

Today was a day of reflection and yes, thanksgiving. I remember counting fingers and toes, the first night home and the realization that this little tiny human wasn't going home with anyone else. He was all mine. I have to tell you, there was a moment of panic when I realized that. The sense of responsibility that settled on my shoulders, coupled with the intense love I felt, and the plethora of what ifs that plagued me. But, it was only momentary because I got on with day-to-day living. 

For all the joy and satisfaction my gift has given me, I have to say that there is a measure of sadness today. My bundle of joy (sometimes my major pain in the butt) is now a young man of 18 and soon to go out on his own. It will leave a bit of a hole in my life. It's not a bad thing but I do miss the little boy he was and all the firsts that came with him. Time has flown by, as it is wont to do, and I'm remembering all the firsts. The pride I felt watching his first wobbling steps.

Soon I'll be watching his first steps away from home as he picks up his responsibilities in the Navy.

My son, when I look at you I realize that truly,
"Every good gift and every perfect present is from above, for it comes down from the Father..." James 1:17