Morning Coffee Dates with Friends

My guest is award winning women's fiction author, Marilyn Brant. I love that she could visit on a Friday.

I like stories that deal with issues, concerns and worries that face me as a woman and those issues are different than when I was a young and barely twenty something. I also enjoy humor and the ability to laugh at both myself and situations I face. As I've grown up, I find girlfriends are all the more precious. I need that commonality of shared experiences, laughter, and grounding that true friends give you (and their opinions)--whether you want it or not, lol!

So, as you can imagine, I like Marilyn's books and really enjoyed her article. I hope you will too.

I'm thrilled to be back visiting Sia and everyone here today! I was lucky enough to be here the first time after the release of my debut novel, According to Jane, but I'm especially excited to visit again this fall...on a Friday...and to get to discuss the subject of friends and relationships with you all Over Coffee. It's particularly fun for me because my second novel, called Friday Mornings at Nine, is about three women friends who get together once a week (bet you can guess which day -- LOL) over coffee (!!) to talk about their relationships. So, this is one of those cool 'virtual life' meets 'real life' meets 'writing life' kinds of moments!

Anyway, one of the reasons I wrote this novel was to explore the idea of What-If relationships, even for women who might be (or seem to be) happy with their current ones. The three women in my story are 40-something suburban moms who have all been married for a decade or two. They think they know what their friends' marriages are like but, it turns out, they have a lot to learn -- not only about each other, but about their spouses and themselves. Complicating matters are three other men (not these women's husbands!) whom my main characters are becoming increasingly more aware of and, at times, attracted to... Bridget admires the warmth and cooking skill of her boss, a dentist in the office where she works. Tamara is noticing the divorced (younger) neighbor guy down the street who works from home. And Jennifer has been reconnecting with her college ex-boyfriend via text message and email because he'd contacted her about an upcoming reunion. All of them begin to wonder -- in light of their attraction to these other people -- if they made the right decision in marrying the man they did.

In real life, I also meet my friends for coffee once every week or so and we, too, discuss our families, jobs and lives. Over the years, one of the things I've noticed is that my friends not only help me sort through whatever ups and downs might be going on somewhere in my world, but they've frequently provided a sounding board for any What-If relationship scenarios that may come up, including: old flames who suddenly resurface via Facebook (!!) or that really handsome fitness trainer at the gym or my longstanding obsession with Ryan Reynolds and his REALLY great abs. (C'mon, who here doesn't have a bit of a celebrity crush on him?!)

For me, I've found that hearing what my friends have to say during our coffee dates is incredibly valuable because it reaffirms that -- most of the time, at least -- what I'm experiencing is something normal. And listening to my friends talk about whatever issues they might be wrestling with in their lives is just as helpful. I learn a lot from them about how to handle situations I haven't yet encountered myself, or I simply get to know more about my friends' lives and beliefs and passions, which is fascinating. During this time of year I'm especially thankful for them...for always being there when I need them, for helping me stay grounded/calm in the face of good or bad news, and for always making our outings such fun!

• What about you? Do you have a group of friends you get together with regularly? If so, where do you like to meet and what do you most enjoy talking about with them?

I'll draw one name randomly from all of the commenters below (on late Sunday night, 12/5) and give away a signed copy of Friday Mornings at Nine and an individual serving of Starbucks VIA Christmas Blend to one winner. Happy Holidays, everyone!!

~*~*~*~

FRIDAY MORNINGS AT NINE

Every woman remembers her firsts: Her first kiss. Her first lover. And her first time contemplating an affair...

Each Friday morning at the Indigo Moon Café, Jennifer, Bridget and Tamara meet to swap stories about marriage, kids and work. But one day, spurred by recent e-mails from her college ex, Jennifer poses questions they've never faced before. What if they all married the wrong man? What if they're living the wrong life? And what would happen if, just once, they gave in to temptation...

Soon each woman is second-guessing the choices she's made--and the ones she can unmake--as she becomes aware of new opportunities around every corner, from attentive colleagues and sexy neighbors to flirtatious past lovers. And as fantasies blur with real life, Jennifer, Bridget and Tamara begin to realize how little they know about each other, their marriages and themselves, and how much there is to gain--and lose--when you step outside the rules. EXCERPT

BUY: Amazon, Borders, Barnes and Noble, Doubleday Book Club

Marilyn is the award-winning women's fiction author of ACCORDING TO JANE (2009), FRIDAY MORNINGS AT NINE (2010) and her upcoming novel, A SUMMER IN EUROPE (November 29, 2011), all from Kensington Books.

She received her M.A. in educational psychology from Loyola University Chicago, dabbled in both fiction and art at Northwestern University, studied the works of Austen at Oxford University and is an active member of the Jane Austen Society of North America. Her debut novel featuring "Jane" won the Romance Writers of America's prestigious Golden Heart® Award.


Marilyn has traveled to 45 states and over 30 countries (so far -- she's not done yet!), but she now lives in the Chicago suburbs with her family. When she isn't rereading Jane's books or enjoying the latest releases by her writer friends, she's working on her next novel, eating chocolate indiscriminately and hiding from the laundry.
 

Brandt Flakes, Marilyn's Blog

 

What I love About Coffee Get-Togethers

My guest Over Coffee is debut author, Marilyn Brant. Winner of the 2007 Golden Heart Award for Best Novel with Strong Romantic Elements.

• Marilyn tags herself as an introvert, a Mom with an unhealthy attachment to Carbs, requires excellent cookies, likes dangerous things like chocolate martinis, neighborhood relationship intrigues and '80s Music. Best of all, she won my heart, when she told me she loves chatting over coffee with friends.
  

Thank you, Sia, for inviting me here! It’s a pleasure to be a guest on Over Coffee today. :-)

It’s particularly exciting to get to take part in a coffee-talk gathering online because, in real life, this is one of my very favorite things to do. I have a few friends I love to meet for coffee. Some I’m able to get together with frequently, others only once in a while, but in all cases I usually leave our morning coffee dates feeling buoyant and primed to tackle my infinite writing projects at home.


What makes it even more special is that I’m a true introvert. Unlike my VERY extraverted mother (!!), I’m not typically energized by social gatherings. (And, oh, I have stories I could tell about the endless stream of social events I was dragged to as a kid…wanna hear about wild double weddings, anyone?) Parties and conferences and things like that take a lot of concentration for me, largely because I can’t stop my writer self from collecting details and feeling a bit pummeled by observations. This was true before I ever actually became a novelist, by the way. Once I started writing, I was relieved to finally have a place to put all of those observations I’d been accumulating for years and tucking into my mental anthology of human behaviors--LOL!


So, what I love about the coffee get-togethers with my friends is that I actually feel like an extravert for those precious few hours. Because we know each other well, we dispense with small talk rather quickly. We’re then able to delve right into some very meaty conversations and get to the heart of a deep philosophical and/or emotional discussion after little more than half a cup of hazelnut mocha and a few bites of a chocolate-chip cookie. (We go to a shop with EXCELLENT cookies. I consider this a requirement.) And I’ve come to rely on these meetings as a helpful—perhaps even essential—part of my writing process.

• Here’s why: I write women’s fiction. I’m passionately interested in women’s stories and our shared experiences. When my friends are telling me about their in-laws, their children, their wacky adult siblings…or they’re recollecting tales of old boyfriends or the qualities they love best in their husbands…I’m listening. I’m checking their stories with my own. Comparing them in the sense of discovering the emotions and reactions we have in common. They know this and, because they’re absolutely awesome, they enthusiastically help me make those connections.
  

Recently, one friend said, “So, okay, you’re a writer. Have you ever read any novels about a woman who’d lied to her entire family about having to go out of town at the end of November just so she wouldn’t have to suffer through another Thanksgiving dinner of being asked why she was still single?”

I said, “Got a call from your mother yesterday, huh?”

“Oh, my, God, yes!” she shot back. “I love her, but if she asks me about dating one more time—argh!!”

And so it begins, the fun and frequently funny back and forth banter between friends. The commiserations we share when we've had a crazy work week, an eye-rolling sibling moment or a feverish child. The innate understanding that each of us will pull together whatever knowledge, resources or background we can to help each other gain perspective on whatever might be perplexing one of us. It’s become such a powerful form of preventive medicine in my life that I look forward to it for my own mental health and, also, as a way to keep the pulse of my characters strong and true.

More than once, I’ve been the one to open our coffee conversation with something like:

• “Okay, I’ve got this one character. She’s 43. Divorced. Ambivalent about relationships. But then she meets a younger guy and, strangely, they hit it off. What are her hopes? Her fears?”

And a friend will say, “She’ll worry about needing a boob job.”

“Or a tummy tuck,” another friend will chime in.

“But mostly she’ll be concerned about her teenage son and his reaction to the new relationship…”

And, with that, they’ll set me on the road to making sure I create a character who feels real to them. One who’s almost as multifaceted and three-dimensional as they are. I’m so grateful to them for that. Not only do their insights improve my writing, but they enrich my life and my understanding of the people in it. I’d give up my computer before I’d give up my coffee dates!

• What about all of you? When you get together with your friends—over coffee, dinner, dessert or drinks—what do you tend to talk about? Work-related stuff? Kids and spouses? Sports, hobbies or pop culture?

• Have these discussions ever made you think about your writing, job, or your family any differently? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! :-)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Marilyn Brant has been a classroom teacher, a library staff member, a freelance writer and a national book reviewer. She lives in the Chicago suburbs with her husband and son, surrounded by towers of books that often threaten to topple over and crush her. A proud member of the Jane Austen Society of North America, Marilyn’s debut novel featuring "Jane" won the Romance Writers of America’s prestigious Golden Heart® Award. When not working on her next book, she enjoys traveling, listening to music and finding new desserts to taste test.
Readers can visit her website at http://www.marilynbrant.com/

In Marilyn Brant’s smart, wildly inventive debut, one woman in search of herself receives advice from the ultimate expert in matters of the heart…

It begins one day in sophomore English class, just as Ellie Barnett’s teacher is assigning Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. From nowhere comes a quiet “tsk” of displeasure. The target: Sam Blaine, the cute bad boy who’s teasing Ellie mercilessly, just as he has since kindergarten. Entirely unbidden, as Jane might say, the author’s ghost has taken up residence in Ellie’s mind, and seems determined to stay there.

Jane’s wise and witty advice guides Ellie through the hell of adolescence and beyond, serving as the voice she trusts, usually far more than her own. Years and boyfriends come and go—sometimes a little too quickly, sometimes not nearly fast enough. But Jane’s counsel is constant, and on the subject of Sam, quite insistent. Stay away, Jane demands. He is your Mr. Wickham.

Still, everyone has something to learn about love—perhaps even Jane herself. And lately, the voice in Ellie’s head is being drowned out by another, urging her to look beyond everything she thought she knew and seek out her very own, very unexpected, happy ending...

"Marilyn Brant's debut novel is proof that Jane Austen never goes out of style. This is a warm, witty and charmingly original story of a modern woman coming of age and finding her own happy ending--with a little help from the ultimate authority--Jane Austen herself."~Susan Wiggs